college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
