Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
