I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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