so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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