i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think i have two assholes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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