I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
