I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
