i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize