Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
