One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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