The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
