Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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