Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
