You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
