I am puke
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
