I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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