Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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