I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
