do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
