No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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