Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
