Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
