You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
