He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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