i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
