just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
