he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
