I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
