just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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