So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
