im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
