I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
