I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
