Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
