I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
