so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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