we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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