i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
