So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
