Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
