dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
