4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
