Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
