Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
