I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
