the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
