eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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