I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
