my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
