When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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