i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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