Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
