So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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