Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
