Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
