I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
