i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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