If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
