You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
