i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
