How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
