So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
