Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
