Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
