Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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