tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
