So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
