Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
