Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
