Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
